A Letter To Myself

Dear Jan at 45 I am the 62 old you writing to encourage and give you the hope that you desperately need. I know your pain. You believe incorrectly that after purging every day for 25 years and now starving yourself that your life is hopeless - I know what you are praying for – A normal life - Not that you know what that is but you would sure like to have it. I am here to tell you that your life ahead will not be normal. It will be so much better than that. It will be amazing.

You are strong – you just haven’t realized that yet - I know the women you will become because I am her. You will work hard with the tools you learned at Remuda but you will fall sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up - Keep on trying – never giving up. As you practice the tools you learned at Remuda and trust the Lord and ask for his help you will make it. Little by little eating disorders will be a thing of the past. I promise you that the Lord will take away all your eating disorder thoughts and they will never be a part of you again.

You will marry a man who will love you with all his heart and call you his special angel. You are beautiful in his eyes. You will blossom and love yourself for the women you are becoming – a daughter of God. You will be an instrument in helping and encouraging others trapped in addictions. You will volunteer in the jail and act as a facilitator for a 12-step addiction recovery program. As you work the program repeatedly with the inmates you will grow stronger and stronger in your own recovery. You will inspire these women and change many of their lives as you love and nourish them with hope.

You will take care of your body always nourishing it with healthy food and exercise. You will weigh what you should and never count calories or have a desire to be anything than what you already are.

Your dreams will come true. You will live in Hawaii in a little yellow beach house by the beach. You have joy in your life as you love and serve other.
Now my dear Jan – My advice to you is to listen to your doctors and your counselors. They know what they are doing. Don’t let your fears destroy you. Work on your recovery. It is hard but it is worth it. Say daily affirmations – at first you won’t believe it but gradually they will become a part of you. Don’t let the number on the scale be the basis for your self-worth. You are much more than a number. Say positive things about yourself – NEVER putting yourself down. Have healthy boundaries and most important – Do not hurt yourself. Please Jan, don’t give up now - You will do it - I love you – Please don’t let us die.

Love,
Jan at 62

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What I Would Say To My Former Self

You do not have to run anymore. You don’t need to be ashamed or afraid. You are finding your voice and discovering that you are more than enough. You DESERVE to be loved, appreciated and accepted. 

 

Your voice, your body, your thoughts, your MISTAKES, your presence, your worries, your ideas and opinions are all valuable. Do not give up for your smile lights so many faces and reaches beyond the stars. At the Ranch it was more than skills it was a form of acceptance I never knew. That acceptance opened a door that allowed me to nourish my body and realize what I had long learned to forget and grossly undervalue.

 

I am worthy. I can and am doing more than the greatness I ever imagined. I am strong. No achievement has or ever will be greater than realizing I am enough. I do not have to starve or rid my body of anything. I do not need to be thin, thick or pretty. You can find yourself again. One step at a time. DON’T ever let anyone (including yourself) tell you otherwise. You are courageous, strong, smart, beautiful and valuable. You are the star that continues to glow.

Sincerely,
Morgan Pope

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What I Wish I Had Known Then…

A Letter to The Person You Were Before Eating Disorder Recovery Many women who have achieved long-term eating disorder recovery tell us that Remuda Ranch at The Meadows was the first place where they truly began their transformation.

They often say that even though they had tried inpatient treatment many times before, only to relapse, something about Remuda Ranch helped them to finally see their eating disorders for what they were—maladaptive strategies for coping with anxiety and emotional trauma. They understood, at last, how to separate the symptoms of disorder from their self-worth and find their authentic selves. 

 

Some even say that when they finally reach that point it feels like they’ve become a different person— although, in truth, the truth is their essential self was there all along.

Write Yourself a Letter, Then Send It to Us

We often hear from women who have embraced living daily in their eating disorder recovery; they say that they want to help others who are actively struggling with the dangerous consequences of anorexia and bulimia in any way they can.

 

At Remuda Ranch at The Meadows, we believe that one of the most effective ways to help others is to reach out and share your own story. By sharing your personal experience and strength you can help others find the courage to get treatment and give them hope for the future. Plus, by being of service to others with eating disorders you stay engaged in your own recovery.

If you are currently in recovery, think back to what your life was like, and what you were like, before treatment.

If you could go back and offer your former self some words of encouragement or some advice, what would you say? What would you want the you who was in so much pain to know about what the future after treatment would look like? How would you convince yourself that getting helping and maintaining recovery are worth the struggle?

Get a Remuda Ranch at The Meadows Picnic Blanket!

Write a 500 – 1500 word letter to your former self, and send it to Andrea Sauceda, asauceda@themeadows.com along with a picture of yourself (picture is optional, but would be appreciated!) If you are one of the first 25 entries, and we publish your letter on the Remuda Ranch at The Meadows website, we’ll send you a free picnic blanket! We can’t wait to read the wisdom you gained through your hard-won battles with disordered eating. Sharing your story can truly make a difference. 

 

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Remuda Ranch Patients Find Peace in The Brain Center

By Deirdre Stewart, The Meadows Director of Trauma Resolution Services
The Brain Center at Remuda Ranch at The Meadows opened less than a month ago. It sits high above and looks out onto the gorgeous Sonoran Desert. Its beautiful views and natural, peaceful setting provide an optimal environment for healing, restoration, quieting of the nervous system, and finding a connection back to the self.

The cutting-edge devices used in the Brain Center support women in getting more in tune with how they feel and how they react to thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. Not only are patients thoroughly enjoying the serene, beautiful, and peaceful setting, they are also sensing positive changes in mood, energy, clarity, and sleep.

Clinical Implications of The Brain Center

On average, Remuda Ranch patients come into The Brain Center for a one-hour session several times a week; however, many patients request more time! The great thing about Remuda’s Brain Center setting is that we are able to readily and easily accommodate this. A patient’s duration and frequency of sessions in The Brain Center can truly be custom-tailored to help patients reach their desired outcomes.

The Art of the Start

Prior to entering The Brain Center, patients are invited to pause and intentionally shift their attention outward, orienting and connecting to the 360-degree view through their sensate experience. They are then guided to turn their attention inward to their bodily and felt sense experience.
To engage their curiosity, we often begin by using Smovey Rings, a favorite of trauma expert and Meadows’ Senior Fellow Dr. Peter Levine. These handheld rings with weighted ball bearings support patients in sensing their internal rhythm. Through this exercise, we teach patients to begin to befriend their internal experience. The gentle movement allows for more energy flow in the system, where oftentimes it may be stuck or frozen.
The Smovey Rings also provide proprioceptive or sensory input into the joints, arms, and shoulders furthering support of autonomous nervous system regulation. This type of input lets the body know where it is in time and space, which is grounding and quieting for an overly activated person. This slow, mindful movement serves as a cue to the individual’s nervous system that down regulation is the intention as they prepare to spend their next hour in The Brain Center. The emphasis for their Brain Center session is on curiosity, engagement, and intention.

Bringing it All Together

Before a patient begins her session we ask her how she is feeling and make a note of it. We then ask them again what they are feeling as they leave one hour later.
If they say that they feel calmer, less anxious, or “better,” we support them through identifying how they know they feel better. How does their body tell them that they are “better?” How does “better” or “calmer” register physiologically? Helping each patient differentiate between various shifts in her mental and physical state supports her awareness of her body, which oftentimes as an eating disorder patient, is a part of herself she has previously disowned.
What patients often notice is that they feel quieter inside, which then provides their nervous system with an alternative experience fight or flight and gives it another point of reference for the next time the patient becomes activated, stressed or anxious. This is how resiliency and emotional regulation slowly begin to develop.

Key Benefits to Patients from The Brain Center

Most eating disorder patients are low in Alpha brainwave activity. This is the brainwave that anchors the brain and acts as its gearshift. Without enough, individuals are prone to anxiety, depression, and an inability to experience calm and relaxation. Alpha brainwave activity allows for a calm and relaxed, yet alert state, also known as presence. The brain actually craves Alpha.
Because alpha deficit is one of the hallmark brain markers for all types of eating disorders, the devices in The Brain Center—CES, The Muse, HRV, NFB, Chi Machine—provide multi-level brain interventions all geared to increase the prevalence of Alpha brainwave activity and trigger the natural relaxation response, which has been scientifically shown to reduce symptoms associated with stress, depression, and anxiety.
Additional benefits to patients include…

• More organized and coherent breathing pattern
• Greater ability to emotionally regulate
• Greater ability to respond to stress
• Improved cognitive functioning
• Decreased Cortisol (stress hormone) levels
• Increased levels of Serotonin, Dopamine, DHEA, and endorphins
• Increased stabilization of neuro-hormonal system
• Stronger mind/body connection through Biofeedback and Neurofeedback
• Increased self-awareness
• Mastery over physiology and internal reactions
• Ability to gain conscious control over otherwise unconscious processes (e.g. breathing)
• Greater brain’s capacity for change
• Decreased amygdala activity
• Increased resilience
• Positive impacts to brain structure, efficiency, and function
• Increased digestive support and immune function
• Stronger internal organ function

Another salient aspect to mention is that patients engage with the devices in The Brain Center while under a weighted blanket, which has a significant grounding effect. The weight of the blanket provides the nervous system with proprioceptive sensory input, which signals to the body, “This is where you are in time and space.” This is especially beneficial for Eating Disorder patients because they are often extremely disconnected from their bodies.

Remuda Ranch Patients Love The Brain Center

Since Remuda Ranch has opened its own Brain Center and integrated it into its programming, patients have reported noticing positive shifts in mood, energy, clarity, and sleep.
One patient reported, “When I first arrived [at the Brain Center] my anxiety was very high because we had just finished snack time.” After spending some time on the Chi Machine, she said, “I was able to hear and feel my body digesting, which decreased my anxiety a lot”. The Chi Machine supports the body in oscillatory movements designed to support digestion, stimulate blood flow and balance the two branches of the nervous system. This experience invites the patient to connect to her internal process and to also begin to trust that her body will support her.
Patients also often report that they are…
“Sleeping through the night for the first time in a very long time!”
“Less anxious, more relaxed, calm, decreased anxiety, more perk, less obsessive thoughts.”

Scientifically-Based Care for Eating Disorders

Adding The Brain Center’s cutting-edge approach to the Remuda Ranch treatment program addresses the neuroscience of eating disorders by helping to better regulate the subconscious, limbic system in the brain. The increased sense of presence, embodiment, and awareness along with more organized brainwave activity and a quieter nervous system all support the women and girls to more effectively receive and integrate all other aspects of the Remuda Ranch treatment program into their recovery.

The Brain Center is the brainchild of the Meadows team of Senior Fellows, who are some of the industry’s most respected experts on emotional trauma, addiction, eating disorders, and behavioral health treatment. When you attend any of The Meadows programs, you can rest assured that you are getting a personalized treatment planned based on the latest scientific research and proven best practices that help patients enter into lifelong recovery.
For more information, call today at 866-330-1925, or send a message through our website.

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Drunkorexia: When Eating Disorders and Alcohol Abuse Collide

College is an exciting time for many young adults. It’s often their first chance to establish an identity entirely separate from their parents or caregivers. But, with that freedom comes a lot of social pressures. Legends of crazy parties, wild binge drinking, casual sex gets passed down from generation to generation. The idea that irresponsible drinking and sex are rights of passage for college students is also a staple of American popular culture as evidenced through popular movies like “Animal House,” “Old School,” and “Neighbors.” Many students feel pressure to both participate in party culture and to maintain a certain level of “sex appeal” in order to be socially accepted. 

 

These pressures are leading many students to make dangerous trade-offs when it comes to alcohol and food. In a recent study, more than 80 percent of college students reported that they skipped meals, binged on food and purged, or used a laxative, so that they could “save calories” and binge drink without gaining weight and/or increase the effects of alcohol. These behaviors are associated with a trend called “drunkorexia.” Drunkorexia is not a medical diagnosis, but it describes the growing trend of college students sacrificing nutrition for alcohol.

The Surprising Relationship Between Eating Disorders and Alcohol Abuse

Though not everyone who engages in food restricting and binge drinking will go on to develop an eating disorder or an alcohol addiction, they may be at higher risk. Research has shown that 50 percent of women who reported eating disorder behaviors also struggled with drug and substance use disorders. That is a rate of risk five times higher than that those without eating disorders.

Alcohol use disorders tend to be particularly common among people with eating disorders, because of the way they interact with one another. Alcohol can be used to help induce vomiting—especially when consumed in excess on an empty stomach—and to facilitate dehydration. Alcohol can also be used to help numb the feelings of fear and anxiety that women with eating disorders carry with them. They tend to fear both weight gain, and someone finding out about their unhealthy behaviors.

Even if the person exhibiting signs of drunkorexia doesn’t end up with long-term, co-occuring disorders, the behaviors in and of themselves can be dangerous. Drinking on an empty stomach allows alcohol to be absorbed into the blood stream more quickly, which increases the likelihood of alcohol poisoning, blackouts, memory loss, and alcohol-related violence. Severe cases can even lead to permanent brain damage.

Overcoming Drunkorexia Requires Dual Diagnosis Treatment

Treating someone who struggles with both an eating disorder and an addiction can be complex. Often patients end up in a treatment center that specializes in either the eating disorder, or the substance abuse, but not both. Since the two disorders do interact and, in some ways, depend upon one another, it’s important to find a program that can treat both disorders at the same time. If a person enters into recovery from their eating disorder but not from their alcoholism, they are much more likely to relapse. The use of the alcohol will likely trigger the impulse to purge or restrict again and interfere with their judgment when it comes to making healthy choices about food.

If you or a loved one needs help for both an eating disorder and substance use disorder, you’ll want a treatment center like Remuda Ranch at The Meadows that offers an integrated, multidisciplinary approach to treatment. Remuda Ranch offers medical supervision 24 hours a day, seven days a week, along with talk therapies, experiential therapies (like equine therapy and challenge courses), family programming, nutritional and culinary training, and the latest neurobehavioral techniques for treating emotional trauma.

For more information about Remuda Ranch at The Meadows’ inpatient, partial hospitalization, and residential treatment for women and adolescent girls, please call 866-390-6100. Our Intake Specialists are happy to answer any questions you may have and help you decide if Remuda Ranch at The Meadows is right for you.

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Breaking Misconceptions and Myths of Eating Disorders

By James D. “Buck” Runyan, Remuda Ranch at the Meadows Executive Director

When a person is found to have a problem such as diabetes, there are quick reactions from family and professionals to treat the affected person with a sense of urgency. Diet, exercise, proper sleep, stress reduction and medications are all implemented within a short period of time with the hope of limiting the consequences of a poorly functioning or non-functioning pancreas.

Though the general populace, in general, knows little about diabetes, the disorder tends to acquire quick attention because people are aware it is a dangerous disorder needing immediate attention. Eating Disorders are similarly dangerous — yet the recognition of these disorders and the lack of urgency to find adequate treatment leaves those affected vulnerable to highly life altering and possibly life-threatening consequences.

A Star Athlete’s Struggle

Sara represents a common example of someone who struggles with an eating disorder. Sara was 20 years of age, a star athlete on a university scholarship, and an academic scholar with a 4.0 GPA. She had reported struggling with bulimia for more than five years. Though she did mention several of the struggles she experienced over the years, her parents dismissed the topic as being a “teenage thing.” Based upon her parents’ prior responses she went silent on the progression of the disorder as well as the severity of her symptoms; until one day a college roommate found her having fainted during a purging episode in their dorm room. This scene facilitated Sara’s entry into her first treatment.

Secrets and Shame

During the assessment phase, she revealed to the medical team she had intentionally hidden the eating disorder behavior from her family. She revealed keeping them in the dark because of their previous disbelief, her potentially having to leave college as well as possibly losing her scholarships and ultimately having to address the shame she experienced on a daily basis for her behavior. She went on to provide in great detail the secretiveness, the planning, the physical and emotional struggles of having bulimia which culminated in a deep sense of shame, episodes of self-directed anger, and times of unstoppable sobbing.

What became her solace also became her captor. Though she admittedly is a person with physical talent, keen intellect, and high potential, her emotional maturity was lacking in an age appropriate development. The lack of emotional maturity caused her severe anxiety when experiencing new social events and even kept her from developing any depth in personal relationships because she feared the rejection of others if they discovered her secret life with bulimia.

The Double Life

All eating disorders have a similar dynamic in that the sufferer not only maintains a personal secret; they protect it with an unyielding fierceness. They lead a double-life. Family and friends will often notice their loved one’s life patterns frequently exhibit dichotomies.

In one sense they present as having a focused effort to self-control or are controlling of others; having a sense of self-directedness and an unusual knack for self-destruction.

When the eating disorder becomes family and/ or public knowledge, the members often speak about having noticed a variety of odd behaviors and inconsistencies within the sufferer’s life but were neither comfortable nor free to openly hold conversations about them their observations.

The primary eating disorders that affect both men and women of all ages include Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating Disorder.

Anorexia identified most often by significant weight loss due to restrictive eating behavior. Bulimia is identified by eating a large volume of food in a short period of time and making oneself vomit to remove the consumed food products. Binge Eating is identified by eating a large volume of food in a short period of time and does not include any compensating behavior such as food restriction or self-induced vomiting.

Eating Disorders are Non-Discriminatory

Eating disorders affect both men and women of all ages. Most but, not all eating disorder behavior begins in the younger age population.The general age of onset for Anorexia is 15, Bulimia is 16 and Binge Eating is 25. Frequently there are children as young as 8 and adults in their 60’s seeking treatment services for Anorexia. The same holds true for Binge Eating Disorder. Bulimia is a bit different in that it tends to affect middle teenager up through middle-aged adults.
Common traits of those affected by eating disorders include oversensitivity to change or chaos in their environments. They tend to react with extreme behavior and emotional expression when overwhelmed. Often their first reaction is out of impulse which can be presented from an odd nonreaction, excessive tearfulness, anger, yelling, or aggressive tones. Behaviorally they may withdraw from situations that are uncomfortable or attempt to “control” the circumstances in a “bullying” kind of manner. The important takeaway in observing the person is that they behave and react in extremes that are not necessarily congruent with the events at hand.

Those who struggle with eating disorders will develop some distinct medical complications and unique consequences related to the type of eating disorder, but they all but they share some similar features as well.

Those with Anorexia will often have a lower than reasonable body weight, rapid weight loss, complain of dizziness, move or exercise continuously, maintain a slow metabolism, suffer stress fractures, lose menses (for women,) have lower testosterone levels (for men) and appear somewhat fearful of various types of food.

Those with Bulimia will often complain of intestinal discomfort, experience frequent headaches and experience heart palpitations. They may also experience dental problems, experience irregular menses, and experience constipation.
Binge Eating is often but not always associated with obesity. For those individuals who are not obese, they will experience many of the same symptoms of Bulimia with a higher focus on the intestinal track discomfort. For those who are higher in weight due to the Binge Eating, they may experience, diabetic symptoms, knee and back problems, sleep apnea, Reflux, intestinal discomfort, thyroid problems and vast weight fluctuations due to attempting various “diet” plans.

How The Family Can Help

A common misconception that family members have is that their loved one need only “make a decision” to correct their relationship with food. They put pressure on their loved one by way of allowing a “special” meal plan that deviates from the family’s standard meal plans.

The family often attempts to use a form of logical conversations to encourage the person struggling to recognize their behavior is unusual. They may even attempt to use coercion and manipulation to force change. Though well intentioned, these tactics backfire more times than not. The best way to help is to seek support from a trained eating disorder specialist who can provide education on how best to approach the family member struggling with an eating disorder. But the family can provide valuable information on signs, symptoms, medical complications and they can help develop a comprehensive team of professionals to help. It will be important for a Primary Care Physician, Counselor, Psychiatrist and Registered Dietitian be involved so that each area of the sufferer’s life is assessed and supported by a subject matter expert.

Hope through Eating Disorder Recovery

Eating disorders are the most complicated psychological disorders to treat. Sadly, when untreated they also carry the highest mortality rate of any other disorder. Much like diabetes, when a person is struggling with any one of these eating disorders, it is imperative for their health, quality of life and in some cases their life’s longevity that they receive appropriate treatment as soon as possible. The benefits to comprehensive quality care will potentially create a life of purpose and hope once the psychological, behavioral and medical concerns are resolved.

At Remuda Ranch at The Meadows, we believe wholeheartedly that people can heal from these disorders with proper care, training, and support. We encourage anyone who may be struggling with one of these disorders to take a very important step of courage to reach out for support from a treatment expert and begin a path of improving their quality of life and relationships.
Note: This article originally appeared in Together Arizona.

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How You And Your Teen Can Cope With Adolescent Anxiety

By Noah Smith Anxiety affects millions of Americans, and adults aren’t the only ones who live with it; children and teens struggle to cope with nervous conditions and mood disorders such as depression, too. For teenagers, anxiety can be difficult to cope with because it affects their performance at school, their relationships, and their social lives.

It’s important to talk to your teen about anxiety and how to handle it, because everyone reacts differently to its effects. Some may have a hard time being in public places, while others may worry about something that hasn’t happened yet. Talk to your child about how some worry and anxiety is normal, and how to train their brain to navigate the anxious thoughts when they come. It’s also important to talk to them about avoiding drugs and alcohol, which can make anxiety worse.

Here are some of the best tips on how to do so.

Encourage talk Some parents fear that talking about their child’s anxieties will make them worse. It’s almost always better to engage in helpful conversation about their fears, so ask your teen to talk about what worries them the most. The important thing here is not to judge; no matter what their concerns are, let your teen know that it’s okay to have worries sometimes and talk about your own fears, especially ones you might have had when you were their age. If your teen doesn’t feel comfortable having a conversation about it, encourage him to write down what makes her the most anxious. Keeping a journal is a great way to navigate anxiety and may help your child understand what she’s feeling.  

Comfort your child

Sometimes, when trying to understand another person’s fears, it’s hard to comprehend or sympathize with. But no matter how you view your child’s worries, it’s important to let her know that you love her and that everything will be okay. Let her know that no matter how strongly she may feel sometimes, the anxiety will pass.  

Do some research

If your child is battling anxiety, she may also be facing some physical effects and not even realize they are tied to her feelings. Some forms of anxiety can cause an individual to break out into a cold sweat, feel nauseous, or become jittery, and these can be mistaken for a physical ailment. If your child reports feeling these symptoms, it might be a good idea to set up a doctor’s appointment just to set both your minds at ease.  

Learn about mindfulness

  It may be helpful for your child to learn mindfulness, which can be achieved through a variety of activities including meditation, yoga, or art therapy. These things can all reduce stress and can help your child learn methods of positive thinking, which can help her circumvent anxious thoughts when they rear their ugly heads.

Sunflower at The Meadows

Sunflower at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona, is an inpatient program designed specifically for teen girls who are struggling with eating disorders and co-occurring conditions like depression, anxiety, and addiction. In a safe and nurturing environment, we provide individualized treatment to a small and intimate group of young women, helping them to change their self-destructive behaviors, heal their emotional trauma, improve their self-esteem, and build better relationships with family and friends. To learn more call 866-390-1500 or visit Sunflower.

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