Making the decision to send your adolescent daughter to an
inpatient treatment center for an eating disorder may be one of the
scariest and most difficult things you ever do as a parent. However,
given the seriousness of
eating disorders — anorexia, for example, has
the highest death rate of all mental illnesses — it is important that
you do insist that she get the treatment she needs. As a parent, your
influence is more powerful than you may think.
It is crucial that parents help young girls accept and participate
in the critical care and inpatient eating disorder treatment they need.
When patients are left to seek treatment on their own, they often will
not follow through. They also do not see their eating behaviors as a
problem, even in the face of obvious physical and emotional
consequences.
Don’t Let the Disorder Make the Decisions
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing!”
“I don’t need to go away for treatment. I can get better on my own.”
“I promise I’ll eat if you don’t make me go.”
These are just a few of the responses you might hear when you tell
your daughter she needs hospital-level care for her eating disorder.
Most teens and pre-teens go to treatment in a state of denial. And, out
of a sense of desperation brought on by their disorder, they may be very
good at pulling the heartstrings that convince a parent to back down
from sending them to treatment, or to remove them from treatment once
they get there.
That’s why it is so important to stay strong when your child tries to
tell you that she doesn’t haven’t a problem and can’t bear to be away.
Trust your instincts. When your child begs you not to make her go, or to
remove her from the care you know that she desperately needs, that’s
the eating disorder talking, not her. Don’t let the eating disorder
decide what’s best for your child.
If your child’s doctor, therapist, or outpatient treatment staff tell
you that she needs partial hospitalization or inpatient treatment, it’s
important to follow through. It means that they, as healthcare
professionals, are very concerned about your child’s safety, and feel
that she needs to be more closely monitored and receive a higher level
of treatment to restore her weight and address any co-occurring health
problems.
Sharing the Difficult News
How you approach the conversation with your child can have an
important influence on her willingness to embrace her treatment plan and
her perception of herself and her disorder. It’s perfectly normal for
you to feel apprehensive about having the conversation. Here are just a
few suggestions for helping to steer the conversation in a positive
direction:
- Be honest and hopeful.
- Tell your child how much you love them and that this decision is
being made by both parents and loved ones and is in her best interest.
- Validate your child’s feelings but do not get into a power struggle.
Example: “I know this is tough for you, but there’s no other option,”
and/or “We’ll give you some time to calm down. Then, we can talk more.”
- Express your complete confidence that she can and will get better.
- Express your trust in her treatment and team, and your intention to
stay in contact with them and support her in every way you can.
It’s also okay for you to ask for help from your treatment team in
discussing the decision with your child. It is important, that you, as a
parent, are the one delivering the news, but your treatment
professionals can provide you with extra support and assistance.
Take Care of Yourself and Your Family Too
As you are focusing on your child’s health and well-being, don’t
forget about your own. This is also a trying time for you and your
family. Make sure you gather up a support network made up of friends,
family, and perhaps even a therapist or other mental health professional
to help you work through your personal emotional struggles.
Our Eating Disorder Program Can Help
It also might be helpful to choose a treatment facility for your
child that takes a family-focused approach to treatment. At Remuda Ranch
at The Meadows, families receive an extensive education on eating
disorders, communication, and relationships. They also have the
opportunity to do an experiential learning session with The Meadows
Equine Therapy team and experience a full-day intensive “truth and love”
session, where they and their loved one in recovery can share thoughts
and feelings in a way they may not have been able to before.
For additional information about the treatment of eating disorders, please call to speak to an
Intake Coordinator at 866-332-0836 or
contact us online.
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