What is Child Abuse and Why Does Child Abuse Still Matter in Adulthood?

The Meadows specializes in treating trauma.  Abuse is one form of trauma.  Often times, childhood trauma that occurred because of child abuse is overlooked as a core issue when people enter treatment for addictions or other mental health disorders.  Sometimes people minimize what they experienced as children, deny that they were abused, or believe that it happened so long ago that they are (or that they should be) “over it” or it is no longer relevant.

What exactly is child abuse?  

What exactly is child abuse?  There are many definitions out there and most answers to the question are quite complex.  The Meadows uses Senior Fellow Pia Mellody’s simple, yet broad definition: child abuse is any action or inaction, by a parent or other major caregiver, that is less than nurturing or experienced as shaming by a child.  This is my favorite definition since it does not minimize based on intent and it allows for the child’s experience of the action or inaction to be the primary defining factor.  It also eliminates issues around what was “acceptable” in society at any given time.  Just because something was accepted in society, it does not mean that it was healthy or ok.  Society makes many mistakes.

While this is not even close to being an exhaustive list, here are some examples of child abuse (adapted from Pia Mellody’s book, Facing Codependence):

Physical Abuse:

⦁ Hitting, kicking, punching, pinching, burning, etc.

⦁ Failure to provide adequate physical needs (food, shelter, clothing, medical, etc.)

⦁ Lack of appropriate physical nurturing (too much or not enough)

⦁ Forced to watch or listen to someone else being abused

Sexual Abuse:

⦁ Any sexual contact between an adult and a child (or two children with a power differential such as age difference or more than three years) including, but not limited to, sexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, touching of genitals or other private areas

⦁ Poor sexual boundaries with children (not monitoring exposure, objectification, rigid or uncontained sexual attitudes, inappropriate sexual talk in front of children, etc.)

⦁ Failure to protect a child from sexual abuse when the risk is known or should reasonably be known (a family member who has been accused of sexually abusing a child is permitted to babysit)

⦁ Lack of sexual information, too much sexual information or sexual misinformation given to children

Emotional Abuse:

⦁ Failure to provide emotional nurturing (ignoring, neglecting, abandoning, etc.)

⦁ Refusing to allow a child to express their feelings (“stop crying or I will give you something to cry about”, “get over it already”, etc.)

⦁ Demonstration of improper expression of feelings by caregivers (yelling, belittling, sarcasm, ridiculing, demeaning, raging, silent rage, side-ways anger, guilting, etc.)

⦁ Overindulging or overprotecting⦁ No accountability or limits set

⦁ Emotional isolation or forced to keep unhealthy secrets

Intellectual Abuse:

⦁ Attacking or shaming a child’s thought process

⦁ Ridiculing for being “too smart” or “not smart enough”

⦁ Failure to provide education

⦁ Failure to support a child with a learning disability or who is gifted

⦁ Demanding perfection

⦁ Over-controlling or forcing religious beliefs

⦁ Hypocrisy

⦁ Failure to provide spiritual nurturing

⦁ Any abuse by a spiritual leader

⦁ Using spirituality to instill fear

⦁ Occult or radical religious practices

Peer or Social Abuse:

⦁ Bullying or being teased by siblings or other peers

Why does it still matter when I am an adult?

Trauma impacts the brain.  Children have brains that are not fully developed.  When children are abused their brains are forced to develop in a stressed or dysregulated state.  This can lead to a lifetime of challenges with self-regulation.  Childhood abuse can lead to an increased likelihood of unhealthy relationship patterns, addictions, anxiety, depression, obesity, suicide attempts, chronic health issues, and sexually transmitted diseases.  That last list could just as easily begin with, “People most frequently seek treatment for…”.  While the majority of people are motivated to therapy or treatment for symptoms, the best treatment also addresses the underlying and historical issues that pre-date the symptoms.  Symptoms are often a result of a person’s maladaptive attempts to cope with stress and dysregulation.  When underlying issues are not addressed, symptoms may return or new symptoms may surface to replace the ones that were treated.

Do I need to seek treatment?

Some people need to seek inpatient or intensive outpatient treatment when their symptoms are so disruptive to their lives that day-to-day functioning is impaired.  Some people require less intensive treatment but still want something that is specialized and focused on how to deal with their core issues and childhood trauma.  The Meadows and its sister programs offer highly individualized treatment services encompass trauma and related mental health conditions on many different levels.  Childhood trauma can be addressed at all of The Meadows’ programs.Survivors is The Meadows signature workshop and an essential component of its inpatient treatment programs.  It is an intensive workshop focused on addressing childhood trauma.  The Survivors workshop is also offered as a stand-alone intensive for people who are not in need of long-term treatment.  Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows offers a five-day Survivors workshop for anyone who is interested and who meets the criteria for admission.  For more information on enrolling in a Survivors workshop experience or for any of our treatment programs, please call our intake department at 1-800-244-4949.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. For more information, go to April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. For more information, go to https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/

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Gaining More Than Weight: Eating Disorders as an Opportunity for Post-Traumatic Growth

There’s that old saying, “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I used to cringe when I heard that statement. Now, I love it. I love it because it is true that through adversity and struggle we can become more connected with ourselves, with others, with our bodies. If an individual allows themselves to fully engage in the process of working through their struggles, whether that is trauma, addiction, or attachment issues, the person connects with a level of self-awareness and enlightenment that many others do not make the effort to achieve. I find this to be especially true when applied to those living with eating disorders and/or trauma.

The idea of growth is so relevant in the treatment of eating disorders, and I’m not just talking about weight. There is an anonymous quote I like to use – “The only way out is through.” The thing about having struggle is that if we are willing to muster up the strength to face it, we can come out stronger. To be clear, “stronger” doesn’t mean tougher; in this case, it is the sense that we can face the world in a more connected and meaningful way. Recovery is being mindful and engaged. It is being connected in a way that is impossible when the eating disorder is taking the lead or the trauma responses are primary. Through recovery, people realize that as they step away from their destructive coping, they can embrace life with a new view, a new way of relating to others; relationships become more meaningful. They make the time to connect more with their feelings in the treatment process, allowing themselves to fully engage in the world in an emotionally regulated way. When an individual processes the way they are responding to the world and their environment, they automatically become more connected with their sense of self.

When a person can let go of the need to hold onto a sense of control, they can begin to blossom in a world where they previously felt out of control. They become more in tune with their thoughts and feelings. With this new perspective, they can thrive. There is a sense of gratitude towards the body that develops; a person recognizes they are a human being, not a human doing. The person can often identify feelings of strength and self-resilience that they have never felt before. Patients that leave treatment often find new interests that they had never spent time and energy to consider; they sometimes establish a new life path, they re-evaluate priorities, and true healing occurs. Not only that, but when a person works through a traumatic event, they often find themselves better able to withstand future struggles.

Psychological stress, whether a trauma or an eating disorder, is an opportunity for an individual to flourish. It is an opportunity for them to take something so destructive and negative, and process it so that it can be used to re-establish oneself in the world in a different way, one that is more meaningful and resilient.

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Childhood Abuse Is More Prevalent Than You Think

It is estimated that each year three million cases of child abuse are reported to authorities in the United States (source: Childhelp.org). Childhood abuse comes in many forms and can be anything from physical abuse, sexual boundary violations, neglect of medical and physical needs, to emotional and social maltreatment and injustices.

A majority of mental health patients report a history of childhood abuse. Patients often develop addictive coping patterns as a means to mitigating the pain they experienced as a child. They describe on-going battles with depression and anxiety surrounding the negative childhood experiences they faced. Negative self-talk and a shame-based existence are often ways an individual will operate in the world until they have processed childhood traumas. Whether the abuse was a one-time incidence of inappropriate sexual interaction or on-going belittling by a parent, the toll abuse takes on a child is significant and is one of the largest epidemics in the nation.

Prevention, intervention, and treatment are the key components when we think about childhood abuse. Offering parenting classes and stress reduction services for parents is an example of ways to decrease rates of abuse. When parents feel empowered and are taught effective coping skills to manage their feelings and stress, they are less likely to take out their own distress on their children. Teaching and training coaches, educators, and medical providers, about the potential symptomology of abused children is an effective approach of intervening. When individuals in children’s lives are made aware of what to look out for, then children can be taken out of the circumstances that are detrimental to their well-being.

Treatment options for child abuse can include individual, group, and family therapy using a variety of treatment techniques and therapies. Research continues to show that the earlier the treatment is provided to the individual, the better the outcome. Empowering families to seek out services they might need for their child and providing assistance and access to these services are helpful in mitigating the negative impact that abuse can have on the child’s life.

The Meadows Behavioral Healthcare family of specialized inpatient treatment programs and outpatient services understand the effects of childhood relational trauma. We believe trauma underlies nearly all mental health conditions. Trauma, whether related to addiction, family-of-origin issues or abuse, can reverberate through the many facets of our lives, follow us into adulthood and inhibit us from living in the present. We believe that successful treatment combines different powerful and unique methodologies that enable support, discovery, and healing. Above all, we believe that healing is possible. Get help today.

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Horses Helping Humans

There is a lot we can learn from the team of horses here at The Meadows Ranch. Can you imagine what it would be like to live every day as your authentic self? Horses do not ruminate on the past, worry about the future, or cover up their emotions. This is what makes them the perfect partner for healing trauma, regulating our nervous system, and finding balance in our life. 

Humans are notorious for having incongruence between our true feelings and what we actually say. On the outside, we may put on a façade that tells others we are happy and confident, while on the inside we feel depression, anger, or out of control. Often times, we get so good at this façade that we actually begin to believe it ourselves. 

In comes the horse. Horses do not wear masks or put on pretenses; horses are always their true self in every moment of the day. A well-known equine author, Linda Kohanov, wrote, “The suppression of self-interested emotion actually inhibits true connection. Peace, love, and compassion can create social disharmony when worn like masks to cover unresolved anger, fear, sadness, and depression.”
In therapy, horses can act as a type of biofeedback that tracks the ups and downs of one’s autonomic nervous system. Much like the popular healing modality Somatic Experiencing developed by The Meadows Senior Fellow Dr. Peter Levine, horses can be a way into our felt sense and deepen our ability to self-regulate.

When a person enters the arena with the herd, the herd will act as a barometer for the person’s innermost emotions. For example, if an individual is feeling highly activated, the horses may mirror that through running, moving away, or becoming agitated. On the other hand, if an individual is feeling depression or sadness, the horses may isolate, lower their heads, or lay down. If the individual is not in touch with their own emotions or nervous system activation, the reactions from the herd can begin to shed light on what is really going on.

In trauma and eating disorders, the ability to feel our emotions and develop a relationship to our felt-sense is the first step in the healing process. The horses here at The Meadows Ranch bring people closer to authentic selves each and every day.

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