A Letter To Myself

Dear Jan at 45 I am the 62 old you writing to encourage and give you the hope that you desperately need. I know your pain. You believe incorrectly that after purging every day for 25 years and now starving yourself that your life is hopeless - I know what you are praying for – A normal life - Not that you know what that is but you would sure like to have it. I am here to tell you that your life ahead will not be normal. It will be so much better than that. It will be amazing.

You are strong – you just haven’t realized that yet - I know the women you will become because I am her. You will work hard with the tools you learned at Remuda but you will fall sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up - Keep on trying – never giving up. As you practice the tools you learned at Remuda and trust the Lord and ask for his help you will make it. Little by little eating disorders will be a thing of the past. I promise you that the Lord will take away all your eating disorder thoughts and they will never be a part of you again.

You will marry a man who will love you with all his heart and call you his special angel. You are beautiful in his eyes. You will blossom and love yourself for the women you are becoming – a daughter of God. You will be an instrument in helping and encouraging others trapped in addictions. You will volunteer in the jail and act as a facilitator for a 12-step addiction recovery program. As you work the program repeatedly with the inmates you will grow stronger and stronger in your own recovery. You will inspire these women and change many of their lives as you love and nourish them with hope.

You will take care of your body always nourishing it with healthy food and exercise. You will weigh what you should and never count calories or have a desire to be anything than what you already are.

Your dreams will come true. You will live in Hawaii in a little yellow beach house by the beach. You have joy in your life as you love and serve other.
Now my dear Jan – My advice to you is to listen to your doctors and your counselors. They know what they are doing. Don’t let your fears destroy you. Work on your recovery. It is hard but it is worth it. Say daily affirmations – at first you won’t believe it but gradually they will become a part of you. Don’t let the number on the scale be the basis for your self-worth. You are much more than a number. Say positive things about yourself – NEVER putting yourself down. Have healthy boundaries and most important – Do not hurt yourself. Please Jan, don’t give up now - You will do it - I love you – Please don’t let us die.

Love,
Jan at 62

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What I Would Say To My Former Self

You do not have to run anymore. You don’t need to be ashamed or afraid. You are finding your voice and discovering that you are more than enough. You DESERVE to be loved, appreciated and accepted. 

 

Your voice, your body, your thoughts, your MISTAKES, your presence, your worries, your ideas and opinions are all valuable. Do not give up for your smile lights so many faces and reaches beyond the stars. At the Ranch it was more than skills it was a form of acceptance I never knew. That acceptance opened a door that allowed me to nourish my body and realize what I had long learned to forget and grossly undervalue.

 

I am worthy. I can and am doing more than the greatness I ever imagined. I am strong. No achievement has or ever will be greater than realizing I am enough. I do not have to starve or rid my body of anything. I do not need to be thin, thick or pretty. You can find yourself again. One step at a time. DON’T ever let anyone (including yourself) tell you otherwise. You are courageous, strong, smart, beautiful and valuable. You are the star that continues to glow.

Sincerely,
Morgan Pope

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What I Wish I Had Known Then…

A Letter to The Person You Were Before Eating Disorder Recovery Many women who have achieved long-term eating disorder recovery tell us that Remuda Ranch at The Meadows was the first place where they truly began their transformation.

They often say that even though they had tried inpatient treatment many times before, only to relapse, something about Remuda Ranch helped them to finally see their eating disorders for what they were—maladaptive strategies for coping with anxiety and emotional trauma. They understood, at last, how to separate the symptoms of disorder from their self-worth and find their authentic selves. 

 

Some even say that when they finally reach that point it feels like they’ve become a different person— although, in truth, the truth is their essential self was there all along.

Write Yourself a Letter, Then Send It to Us

We often hear from women who have embraced living daily in their eating disorder recovery; they say that they want to help others who are actively struggling with the dangerous consequences of anorexia and bulimia in any way they can.

 

At Remuda Ranch at The Meadows, we believe that one of the most effective ways to help others is to reach out and share your own story. By sharing your personal experience and strength you can help others find the courage to get treatment and give them hope for the future. Plus, by being of service to others with eating disorders you stay engaged in your own recovery.

If you are currently in recovery, think back to what your life was like, and what you were like, before treatment.

If you could go back and offer your former self some words of encouragement or some advice, what would you say? What would you want the you who was in so much pain to know about what the future after treatment would look like? How would you convince yourself that getting helping and maintaining recovery are worth the struggle?

Get a Remuda Ranch at The Meadows Picnic Blanket!

Write a 500 – 1500 word letter to your former self, and send it to Andrea Sauceda, asauceda@themeadows.com along with a picture of yourself (picture is optional, but would be appreciated!) If you are one of the first 25 entries, and we publish your letter on the Remuda Ranch at The Meadows website, we’ll send you a free picnic blanket! We can’t wait to read the wisdom you gained through your hard-won battles with disordered eating. Sharing your story can truly make a difference. 

 

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Remuda Ranch Patients Find Peace in The Brain Center

By Deirdre Stewart, The Meadows Director of Trauma Resolution Services
The Brain Center at Remuda Ranch at The Meadows opened less than a month ago. It sits high above and looks out onto the gorgeous Sonoran Desert. Its beautiful views and natural, peaceful setting provide an optimal environment for healing, restoration, quieting of the nervous system, and finding a connection back to the self.

The cutting-edge devices used in the Brain Center support women in getting more in tune with how they feel and how they react to thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. Not only are patients thoroughly enjoying the serene, beautiful, and peaceful setting, they are also sensing positive changes in mood, energy, clarity, and sleep.

Clinical Implications of The Brain Center

On average, Remuda Ranch patients come into The Brain Center for a one-hour session several times a week; however, many patients request more time! The great thing about Remuda’s Brain Center setting is that we are able to readily and easily accommodate this. A patient’s duration and frequency of sessions in The Brain Center can truly be custom-tailored to help patients reach their desired outcomes.

The Art of the Start

Prior to entering The Brain Center, patients are invited to pause and intentionally shift their attention outward, orienting and connecting to the 360-degree view through their sensate experience. They are then guided to turn their attention inward to their bodily and felt sense experience.
To engage their curiosity, we often begin by using Smovey Rings, a favorite of trauma expert and Meadows’ Senior Fellow Dr. Peter Levine. These handheld rings with weighted ball bearings support patients in sensing their internal rhythm. Through this exercise, we teach patients to begin to befriend their internal experience. The gentle movement allows for more energy flow in the system, where oftentimes it may be stuck or frozen.
The Smovey Rings also provide proprioceptive or sensory input into the joints, arms, and shoulders furthering support of autonomous nervous system regulation. This type of input lets the body know where it is in time and space, which is grounding and quieting for an overly activated person. This slow, mindful movement serves as a cue to the individual’s nervous system that down regulation is the intention as they prepare to spend their next hour in The Brain Center. The emphasis for their Brain Center session is on curiosity, engagement, and intention.

Bringing it All Together

Before a patient begins her session we ask her how she is feeling and make a note of it. We then ask them again what they are feeling as they leave one hour later.
If they say that they feel calmer, less anxious, or “better,” we support them through identifying how they know they feel better. How does their body tell them that they are “better?” How does “better” or “calmer” register physiologically? Helping each patient differentiate between various shifts in her mental and physical state supports her awareness of her body, which oftentimes as an eating disorder patient, is a part of herself she has previously disowned.
What patients often notice is that they feel quieter inside, which then provides their nervous system with an alternative experience fight or flight and gives it another point of reference for the next time the patient becomes activated, stressed or anxious. This is how resiliency and emotional regulation slowly begin to develop.

Key Benefits to Patients from The Brain Center

Most eating disorder patients are low in Alpha brainwave activity. This is the brainwave that anchors the brain and acts as its gearshift. Without enough, individuals are prone to anxiety, depression, and an inability to experience calm and relaxation. Alpha brainwave activity allows for a calm and relaxed, yet alert state, also known as presence. The brain actually craves Alpha.
Because alpha deficit is one of the hallmark brain markers for all types of eating disorders, the devices in The Brain Center—CES, The Muse, HRV, NFB, Chi Machine—provide multi-level brain interventions all geared to increase the prevalence of Alpha brainwave activity and trigger the natural relaxation response, which has been scientifically shown to reduce symptoms associated with stress, depression, and anxiety.
Additional benefits to patients include…

• More organized and coherent breathing pattern
• Greater ability to emotionally regulate
• Greater ability to respond to stress
• Improved cognitive functioning
• Decreased Cortisol (stress hormone) levels
• Increased levels of Serotonin, Dopamine, DHEA, and endorphins
• Increased stabilization of neuro-hormonal system
• Stronger mind/body connection through Biofeedback and Neurofeedback
• Increased self-awareness
• Mastery over physiology and internal reactions
• Ability to gain conscious control over otherwise unconscious processes (e.g. breathing)
• Greater brain’s capacity for change
• Decreased amygdala activity
• Increased resilience
• Positive impacts to brain structure, efficiency, and function
• Increased digestive support and immune function
• Stronger internal organ function

Another salient aspect to mention is that patients engage with the devices in The Brain Center while under a weighted blanket, which has a significant grounding effect. The weight of the blanket provides the nervous system with proprioceptive sensory input, which signals to the body, “This is where you are in time and space.” This is especially beneficial for Eating Disorder patients because they are often extremely disconnected from their bodies.

Remuda Ranch Patients Love The Brain Center

Since Remuda Ranch has opened its own Brain Center and integrated it into its programming, patients have reported noticing positive shifts in mood, energy, clarity, and sleep.
One patient reported, “When I first arrived [at the Brain Center] my anxiety was very high because we had just finished snack time.” After spending some time on the Chi Machine, she said, “I was able to hear and feel my body digesting, which decreased my anxiety a lot”. The Chi Machine supports the body in oscillatory movements designed to support digestion, stimulate blood flow and balance the two branches of the nervous system. This experience invites the patient to connect to her internal process and to also begin to trust that her body will support her.
Patients also often report that they are…
“Sleeping through the night for the first time in a very long time!”
“Less anxious, more relaxed, calm, decreased anxiety, more perk, less obsessive thoughts.”

Scientifically-Based Care for Eating Disorders

Adding The Brain Center’s cutting-edge approach to the Remuda Ranch treatment program addresses the neuroscience of eating disorders by helping to better regulate the subconscious, limbic system in the brain. The increased sense of presence, embodiment, and awareness along with more organized brainwave activity and a quieter nervous system all support the women and girls to more effectively receive and integrate all other aspects of the Remuda Ranch treatment program into their recovery.

The Brain Center is the brainchild of the Meadows team of Senior Fellows, who are some of the industry’s most respected experts on emotional trauma, addiction, eating disorders, and behavioral health treatment. When you attend any of The Meadows programs, you can rest assured that you are getting a personalized treatment planned based on the latest scientific research and proven best practices that help patients enter into lifelong recovery.
For more information, call today at 866-330-1925, or send a message through our website.

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Drunkorexia: When Eating Disorders and Alcohol Abuse Collide

College is an exciting time for many young adults. It’s often their first chance to establish an identity entirely separate from their parents or caregivers. But, with that freedom comes a lot of social pressures. Legends of crazy parties, wild binge drinking, casual sex gets passed down from generation to generation. The idea that irresponsible drinking and sex are rights of passage for college students is also a staple of American popular culture as evidenced through popular movies like “Animal House,” “Old School,” and “Neighbors.” Many students feel pressure to both participate in party culture and to maintain a certain level of “sex appeal” in order to be socially accepted. 

 

These pressures are leading many students to make dangerous trade-offs when it comes to alcohol and food. In a recent study, more than 80 percent of college students reported that they skipped meals, binged on food and purged, or used a laxative, so that they could “save calories” and binge drink without gaining weight and/or increase the effects of alcohol. These behaviors are associated with a trend called “drunkorexia.” Drunkorexia is not a medical diagnosis, but it describes the growing trend of college students sacrificing nutrition for alcohol.

The Surprising Relationship Between Eating Disorders and Alcohol Abuse

Though not everyone who engages in food restricting and binge drinking will go on to develop an eating disorder or an alcohol addiction, they may be at higher risk. Research has shown that 50 percent of women who reported eating disorder behaviors also struggled with drug and substance use disorders. That is a rate of risk five times higher than that those without eating disorders.

Alcohol use disorders tend to be particularly common among people with eating disorders, because of the way they interact with one another. Alcohol can be used to help induce vomiting—especially when consumed in excess on an empty stomach—and to facilitate dehydration. Alcohol can also be used to help numb the feelings of fear and anxiety that women with eating disorders carry with them. They tend to fear both weight gain, and someone finding out about their unhealthy behaviors.

Even if the person exhibiting signs of drunkorexia doesn’t end up with long-term, co-occuring disorders, the behaviors in and of themselves can be dangerous. Drinking on an empty stomach allows alcohol to be absorbed into the blood stream more quickly, which increases the likelihood of alcohol poisoning, blackouts, memory loss, and alcohol-related violence. Severe cases can even lead to permanent brain damage.

Overcoming Drunkorexia Requires Dual Diagnosis Treatment

Treating someone who struggles with both an eating disorder and an addiction can be complex. Often patients end up in a treatment center that specializes in either the eating disorder, or the substance abuse, but not both. Since the two disorders do interact and, in some ways, depend upon one another, it’s important to find a program that can treat both disorders at the same time. If a person enters into recovery from their eating disorder but not from their alcoholism, they are much more likely to relapse. The use of the alcohol will likely trigger the impulse to purge or restrict again and interfere with their judgment when it comes to making healthy choices about food.

If you or a loved one needs help for both an eating disorder and substance use disorder, you’ll want a treatment center like Remuda Ranch at The Meadows that offers an integrated, multidisciplinary approach to treatment. Remuda Ranch offers medical supervision 24 hours a day, seven days a week, along with talk therapies, experiential therapies (like equine therapy and challenge courses), family programming, nutritional and culinary training, and the latest neurobehavioral techniques for treating emotional trauma.

For more information about Remuda Ranch at The Meadows’ inpatient, partial hospitalization, and residential treatment for women and adolescent girls, please call 866-390-6100. Our Intake Specialists are happy to answer any questions you may have and help you decide if Remuda Ranch at The Meadows is right for you.

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