Eating Disorder Recovery is a Journey, Not a Destination

By Hailey Meyer
Eating disorders are about so much more than physical appearance or a desire to lose weight. They are about fear, feelings of inadequacy, crippling anxiety, and an overpowering voice in your head constantly telling you you're not good enough.

An eating disorder is a quest for a sense of control when the rest of your life feels out of control. For me, it became a safety net, a comfort zone, and an escape from the stress and anxiety that school brought on. I operated under the delusion that if I shifted all my energy and focus to trying to control something tangible—pounds lost, miles run, calories consumed—then, that sense of control would somehow translate into other areas of my life as well.

I'm now able to recognize just how illogical that sounds, but for someone in the trenches of an eating disorder, it feels very real. The reality, though, is that no amount of weight loss was ever going to be enough, because the key to my problems couldn't be found through self-deprivation or the pursuit of a different body.

Eating Disorder Mindsets

Up until about eight months ago, I spent the past couple of years cycling through this series of various mindsets, sometimes all in the same day:

1. Denial that I had a problem.
2. Recognizing that I had a problem, but believing I wasn't “sick enough” to need help. I was also fully convinced that I would either figure it out on my own or simply grow out of it.
3. Wanting to get better, but being too afraid to fully let go of what I perceived to be control.
4. Committing (halfway) to recovery, but refusal to do anything beyond gaining the minimum amount of weight required to put me into a 'healthy' weight range. This typically led me right back to step two, because I neglected to acknowledge that eating disorders are mental illnesses that just-so-happen to have physical manifestations. Attending to the physical component doesn't do much good in the long-term if the underlying issues that led to that point go unaddressed.

Looking back at photos makes me sad. When I was in my eating disorder, I was constantly cold, tired, insecure, and generally apathetic. I was unable to think clearly or rationally. I was frustrated and ashamed that I couldn't just get myself to eat; just gain the weight; just get over it. At my worst, I was reduced to a shell of my former self, both physically and mentally.

Good Days and Bad Days

Eating disorders, like all mental illnesses, seep into all aspects of life. It distanced me from myself and others, preoccupied my every thought, jeopardized my health, and diminished the quality and meaning of almost everything I did. What I thought I was controlling was really controlling me. I truly felt powerless to stop, yet I would push away anything and anyone that threatened to break my rigid routine.

Now, after many difficult months, most days are good. Most days, I don't feel the need to numb myself from whatever emotion I'm feeling, good or bad. (Contrary to my former belief, my anxiety won't actually kill me and it WILL eventually pass!) Most days, I can eat without being consumed by regret and guilt. Most days, I am able to appreciate everything recovery has given me. I have energy, my *purrrsonality*, and my happiness back. I am able to be fully present and engaged in my own life instead of operating on autopilot, and the things that are truly important to me no longer have to take a backseat to my eating disorder.
But some days, like today, I have to take a step back and remind myself of how far I've come and how much I've learned about myself in the process. While the distance between these days on the struggle bus is becoming increasingly longer, sometimes the temptation to revert back to my old habits is as strong as ever.
I'm still learning to let go of the need for control and to embrace change and uncertainty. I'm still learning that there are no prerequisites that have to be met in order to be “deserving” of adequate nourishment. I'm still learning to accept that trying to hang on to as many pieces of the eating disorder as possible while still maintaining a relatively normal life is NOT true recovery. I'm still learning that self-criticism does not cultivate self-acceptance, and that it's not possible to hate yourself into a version of yourself you can love.

I think this kind of ambivalence is, to some extent, natural. I don't think it'll ever feel unequivocally awesome to regain weight, but as long as I keep my why at the forefront of my mind, it is bearable. At some point, I hope it's no longer about just being bearable, but that it stops mattering altogether.
The biggest difference is that now, even on the difficult days, I can say with confidence that I will continue to choose recovery over and over again until it's no longer something that requires my conscious effort. Rather than judging myself for still struggling after this long, I'm practicing a little self-compassion and accepting where I am at present. I'm not yet where I hope to be, but for once I'm able to say, and genuinely believe, that IT. IS. OKAY.
Recovery is a journey, not a destination. For now, I will relish the good moments that are filled with peace, growth, self-acceptance, and gratitude for another day of health and happiness. ('Cuz let's be honest, eating real donuts is a lot more enjoyable than holding a donut float while dreaming about the donut I'd never let myself eat!)

End the Stigma

Mental health is equally as important as physical health. One in five U.S. adults suffers from a diagnosable mental disorder. So, let's start talking about it and help #endthestigma. No matter what you're going through, you are not alone and you don't have to suffer in silence. It is okay to not be okay, and asking for help is not a sign of weakness!

I'm not gonna lie, it has taken me a long time to gain (and maintain) the weight and it certainly hasn't been easy, but with the support of some pretty great (and incredibly patient) peeps, an awesome treatment team, and a whole lotta yoga, I did it. I am happier and healthier than I've been in such a long time, and I'm finally at a point where I'm no longer ashamed of my struggle or to admit that I couldn't have gotten here on my own.

I Might Have An Eating Disorder: What Do I Do?

The moment when you recognize your eating behaviors have gotten out of control can be followed by intense fear and uncertainty. Will I need treatment? Where will I go? What will happen during treatment?

The first thing you should do is choose to be hopeful, and choose recovery. There are effective treatments for eating disorders. Talk to a trusted friend or family member and seek help from a healthcare professional or facility that specializes in eating disorders.

Right now, you might wonder how you could ever change. What could happen during treatment that would allow you to let go of the unhealthy behaviors you’ve held onto for so long?

Here are 18 things that you will learn in eating disorder recovery, to help you let go of dangerous eating behaviors and start building a healthy, happy life:

1. Acknowledge that your behavior is harmful and will negatively affect your life now and in the future if you do not choose to change.
2. Identify your feelings and internal messages before, during, and after you binge, purge, or restrict.
3. Identify what triggers you to binge, purge, or restrict.
4. Focus on the present rather than the past, and on the positive aspects of your life.
5. Take time to nurture yourself in ways that have nothing to do with food or your eating disorder behaviors (a walk, movie, hot bath, etc.).
6. Enjoy your body. Choose physical activities for fun rather than weight loss, such as dancing, stretching, and swimming.
7. Take responsibility for changing your behaviors.
8. Work toward the point where weight is no longer something by which you rate your success.
9. Think about your accomplishments, positive personal qualities, and valued relationships, and affirm yourself for these things.
10. Identify goals and activities you have been putting off until you’re “thin.”
11. Set small goals that you can accomplish easily, and congratulate yourself for every success.
12. Explore any ambivalence about giving up old habits and your fear of living without them. Take the risk to try new behaviors, without being certain of the outcome.
13. Recognize your personal rights. You have the right to say “no,” to express your feelings and opinions and to ask to have your needs met.
14. Find a growth-oriented, non-judgmental community of relationships, such as a church, support group, or appropriate 12-step group.
15. Keep a journal of your experiences, feelings, thoughts, and insights. This is a safe place to be honest with yourself. The journal is for your eyes only: no one else will be reading it or judging it. The journal can also help you identify the feelings, internal messages, and triggers that lead to your eating disorder behavior, so that you may prepare yourself to choose alternate strategies.
16. Don’t let the scale run your life. Remember that numbers on a scale are not a value judgment of self-worth. Throw the scale away.
17. Let go of fault-finding, blame, guilt, and shame. Focus on the present, and take responsibility for what you can change today.
18. Understand that shame and guilt often lead to eating disorder behavior, and eating disorder behavior then leads to more shame and guilt, creating a vicious cycle that can be broken.

How We Can Help

Remuda Ranch at The Meadows offers customized, comprehensive treatment programs for women and girls with eating disorders, designed to help heal the mind body and spirit. We take pride in our…

• Experienced, multidisciplinary staff: Treatment is led by dedicated doctors, psychologists, dieticians, and nurses who help patients achieve medical stabilization and support them through the stages of recovery.
  
• Comprehensive care: We can stabilize women and adolescents with an acute eating disorder, and help them progress in our program to residential and partial levels of care.
  
• Experts: Our leadership team has extensive experience in the field and are involved in daily operations, ensuring that each patient receives the help she needs.
  
• Family Program: Our staff incorporates the patient’s family into the healing process through weekly webinars and an onsite Family Week.
  
• Spiritual approach: Mindfulness activities and life skills are incorporated into the recovery process. Christian focused and 12-step focused tracks are available.
  
• Healing atmosphere: Our facilities are located on a ranch in the beautiful Sonoran desert, and are designed with patient’s comfort and healing in mind.
  
• Discovery and ownership: We work with patients to confront their issues in a positive manner in order for them to develop a sense of their true potential, allowing them to take responsibility for their lives.

For more information, reach out to one of our Intake Specialists today at 866-390-1500 or send us an email.

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Eating Disorders Are the Unspoken Public Health Crisis of Our Time

This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. In a special section of USA Today, National Eating Disorder Association CEO Claire Mysko advocates for awareness and action:

“It’s time to take action and fight for change. We need to take eating disorders as seriously as other public health concerns. Let’s bust the myths and get the facts. It’s time to shatter the stigma and increase access to care. It’s time to talk about it.”

Many people don’t realize that eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia are life-threatening conditions that can cause devastating physical and emotional damages. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental health disorder.

You can be a beacon of hope for those struggling with these illnesses. Share this article and other factual information about eating disorders with your social media friends and followers this week. You just might save a life.

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Anorexia Treatment

Anorexia is a complex eating disorder with 3 main features:

1. Refusal to maintain a healthy body weight
2. An intense fear of gaining weight
3. A distorted body image

Anorexia brings Depression, Emotional Trauma, Loneliness, Insecurity, Pressure to be perfect, etc. with it. Due to Anorexia, highest deaths have been recorded as compared to any other illness. Research suggests that about 1 percent of female adolescents have anorexia. Anorexia starts during or around the time of puberty and that is called TeenAnorexia

Anorexia in Teens is fatal as it could cause premature death. Young women with anorexia are 12 times more likely to die than are other women the same age that doesn’t have anorexia.

There are two types of anorexia:

• Restricting Type - weight loss is achieved by restricting calories
• Purging Type - weight loss is achieved by vomiting or using laxatives and diuretics.

Being healthy and being anorexic are two different things and that is explained at Remuda Ranch. Remuda Ranch is Teen Eating Disorder Treatment center that has treated anorexia and disorders for more than 25years. Thus, here we have professionals and experts that schedule whole therapy and workshop schedule which could help retain therapy for life.

Remuda Ranch has psychiatric and primary care provider, dietician, a licensed, a therapist, a psychologist and registered nurses. Every patient here is taken care at Remuda Ranch personally without defining time limit.

Remuda Ranch is Anorexia inpatient treatment Centre that is the solution for any kind of Teen Eating Disorders

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4 interesting facts about eating disorders…

Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder that creates loads of problem in the body of women. Anorexia Nervosa is a type of eating disorder where a victim feels guilty about her weight more than required and then starts starving herself. Anorexia Nervosa is just one part of eating disorder. Another part is Bulimia. Bulimia eating disorder is a type of disorder where one intakes too much of food and then purges it out using puke or laxatives.

There are some interesting facts that you would like to know if you have either of these disorders:

1. The first fact about Anorexia is that the heart rate of a person might drop from a normal 60-100 beats per minute to lower than 60 beats a minute. When a person stops eating food less than required, heart beats drops down which leads to blood pressure problems.
2. A normal requirement of a person is 1800-2600 calories per day, but a bulimic does not hesitate to intake more calories which could reach up to 50000 calories a day.
3. Another name of Anorexia disorder is “rich girl’s syndrome” because like rich girls it makes a person obsessed with the weight and their daily routine revolves around her body weight only.
4. A study says that Tumors in the brain are associated with the development of abnormal eating patterns and symptoms of eating disorders.

So, visit Remuda Ranch at The Meadows for Best Bulimia and Anorexia Treatment Program. Remuda Ranch is Anorexia and Bulimia Inpatient Treatment center for all kinds of eating disorder. 

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